random thoughts... all free today

exhaustion and elation

This morning i am BEYOND tired.  The kind of tired where you feel as if you are moving through a thick fog all day long and are PRAYING for bedtime.  BUT.....it was totally worth it.  Last night was the DMB concert that I have been practically holding my breath for since March when I bought my tickets.  Yeah, you can say I'm a *little* bit of a fan.  :D

Left my house at 4pm to go pick up Nequal. Got there a little after 5pm (yeah, she lives pretty far) and made our way to Macayo's for drinks and something to eat.  As luck would have it they had those dudes that ride the bikes with the benches/seat thingies being towed behind.  I always see them downtown at ballgames to tote people around but never have seen them this far West in the valley.  FREAKIN AWESOME.  Better yet, they accepted donations instead of a set fee so for $10 "donation" we got to ride on the back of this thing in THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WEATHER we have had in a loooooong time.  ABSOLUTELY GLORIOUS.

Made it to the concert, walked right in, got the mandatory concert T-shirt (well, not the "official" shirt for this tour cuz I thought it was butt-ugly) and found our seats.  HAD AN AWESOME TIME.  ONE HELL OF A SHOW.  Not the *best* I've ever seen them play (i was hoping the setlist would be the same one they playing in Dallas a few nights ago) but still absolutely awesome.  Nequal even had a good time and she doesn't really listen to DMB but she now wants me to burn her a CD with some songs on it.  Cornbread is one that she SIMPLY MUST HAVE.  :D

They played until 11pm and we got out of there pretty quickly.  Usually the scene very much resembles a cattle drive, everyone packed in together trying to make their way to the exit.  I think it took us MAYBE 5 mins to get from our seats to exits which is AMAZINGLY GOOD TIME.  We walked back to my car at Macayo's which wasn't that far away AT ALL.  Dropped Nequal off at her house and then made my way home.  Rolled my very tired (but very happy) ass in around 12:15.  I am sooooooooo tired right now.  But it was more than worth it to see such an amazing group of musicians come together and create some of the best music out there.  SOOOOOO love the blend and the vibe of it all.  It just plain makes me happy and that, is a VERY GOOD place to be. 

No pics because cameras are not allowed at the venue but I did get some pretty shitty ones with my camera phone.  :D  Not that I could upload them here anyway but it was pretty funny, me used to my kick-ass Canon and trying to take shots with my shitty Samsung camera phone.  Yeah, i was a tad desperate for a pic of my boy Dave.  :D

My good friend Nikki (HEY GIRLIE!) who recently saw DMB in her neck of the woods told me that once I heard them sing "Cornbread" I would have an epiphany.  Girl........you nailed it on the head.  LOVE THAT FREAKIN SONG.  Thanks for the heads up, i thought maybe I was having a panic attack.  LOL!

Well that's enough yammering from me, i gotta get my butt ready for work and OF COURSE sport my new DMB t-shirt.  HAPPY WEDNESDAY!!!!

~h

about me? ya kidding me right?

Nequal came over this weekend with her boys to scrapbook.  And something she said really hit home with me.  She told me to be sure to have more pictures of myself in my scrapbooks.  Both past and present.  She said that she wished her mom would have had more pics taken of herself as a young woman.  And I have to agree.  I don't have many pics of my own mother when she was younger and I can see how my boys might one day want to know what dear old mom looked like at 16, 20, 30....  Too much we are the ones behind the camera and not enough in front of it.  So i went diggin in my many many boxes of pics.  I found quite a few of me when i was a younger woman, before kids, before the extra 15-20 pounds of baby weight.  They are of course, NOT DIGITAL so I have to scan and upload them.  I'm gonna get cracking on that tomorrow, funny hairdos and all.  And I swear if i see ONE MORE and say "look how skinny I was!" I'm gonna smack MYSELF.  Cuz really?  I like who i am now, even with the little extra padding.  :D  And honestly, i really was WAY TOO SKINNY.  You'll see tomorrow when i load these suckers.  And yeah, you will MOST DEFINITELY laugh at the hair.  Gimme a break, it was the late 90s and everyone still had the "big mall hair".  :D

Until tomorrow,

~h

the battle begins

Most of you know of my continued struggles with Connor's father, my first ex husband.  A lousy excuse for a father, he pays his child support bi-monthly but that's only because if HE DOESN'T he will be jailed.  (Just ask him about those few weeks he spent in tent city courtesy of Sheriff Joe with a little help from me.)  Even then it is deducted straight from his paycheck, so he never has to write a check or even THINK about it.  He rarely sees Connor and it's been this way for the past 5+ years.  (unless you want to count the handful of times during the year)  To his credit he did have Connor this summer for nearly 2 months which was absolutely shocking to me.  But since I picked Connor up from him at the end of July he has yet to call or ask to see his son.  Nice huh?

Add to that the fact that he is now trying to take custody of my son away from me.  Being i'm divorced from my 2nd husband he figures he can kick me while I'm down.  He told Norm "I never had anything on her to take Connor away and now I do."  Well, he THINKS he does but I guess the judge will decide that.  His argument is that I work nightshift and he wants Norm to have NO PART in raising Connor now that we are divorced.  But it's been OK for the past almost SIX YEARS?  I have no way to move to a first shift spot so here I am.  Hoping and PRAYING the judge will see that even though yes, i do work at night, my son is incredibly well-adjusted, smart and an all around great kid.  Norm has been his father when Michael was "too busy" to do so.  Far as I'm concerned he has every right to Connor, more so than his biological father who is a total piece of shit.  I can sure pick 'em huh? 

I'm completely infuriated by him and at a total loss trying to understand this.  I think it's because he wants out of child support but he keeps arguing it's not about the money.  WHATEVER.  Why else would you nearly ignore your OWN CHILD for most of his life and then ALL OF THE SUDDEN want to have full custody of him?  WHY?  Money.  That's why.  Michael has always been about money and this is no exception.  And honestly folks, the amount he gives me every month is a pittance compared to what he should be paying.  He makes much more money than he did 6 years ago but I never pursued it.  Just left well enough alone.

He asked me in July to have primary custody of Connor.  At first I agreed.  I didn't want to drag Connor into a messy court battle which is what I'm sure it's going to be.  Then I started thinking about it and told him forget it.  Connor is MY SON.  Before Norm came along it was me and Connor and Michael was no where to be had.  I raised that boy and I continue to raise him and he's a damn good kid.  I'm proud to be his momma.  I see no reason at all for Michael to seek custody other than his own selfish agenda.  And now Connor is caught in the middle.  He wants to make both of us happy.  I don't think he should have to choose but that is what might ultimately happen.  *sigh*  I hate this for him.  He's such a sweet boy and discord like this affects him deeply.

Michael threatened me with legal action in July.  Said he was going to get a lawyer and i should do the same.  Well i can't afford a lawyer, for one and for two, I thought he was bluffing.  Because July and August came and went and I never heard a peep from Michael.  Last night I was checking the case history online and it seems he has indeed retained an attorney and the papers were filed early this week seeking change of custody.  Now I have to sit and wait.  I don't know when the court date is yet.  I wish i could get a lawyer but like I said, they ain't cheap and I'm living on a single income.  My dad seems to think that i don't need one.  I'm hoping like hell he's right.  This is just michael's way of scaring me into submission.  I don't see how a judge could under good judgement (which is what they are supposed to be good at, HELLO it's their job) could choose Michael, the ever absent parent over me.  Yes, he makes more money, yes he is remarried and has what he calls "a more stable environment".  (didn't realize i needed to have a card carrying member of the i-have-a-penis club in my home to be "stable") But does that make him a better parent?  I hardly think so.  Many a single parent has raised their child(ren) to be upstanding members of society.  I am no different.  I have this parent thing down pat.  I do it thanklessly and I do it very well.  Anything for my boys.  anything.

Seems as if anything has arrived on my doorstep.  I will fight for this boy, for my boy. This motherfucker has no idea what he has brought down on himself.  I'm coming and I'm bringing hell with me.  Even if I lose at least I will have done so fighting for what I think is right.  My boy to stay with me, his mother, his confidant, his biggest champion, his comfort, his family. I hope like hell when all is said and done he will have learned yet another lesson of screwing with momma bear.  You would think that stint in tent city would have taught his dumbass but apparently another lesson is in order. 

Class is IN SESSION.

~h

PHOTOS

<-------------over there

Or if you are navigationally challenge, go HERE. 

I have NO IDEA what is up with typepad today but it will NOT let me load anymore photos onto my blog.  IDIOTS.

~h

and by the way...

The dog's name is still Jet.  It's official now, we went and got the tag today.  Being I paid $8 for the darned thing, it's Jet.  Whether they change their little minds or NOT.  :D

they call it puppy love

NOTHING could describe is as acurately as that.  Observe:

  Mind you I am driving and simultaneously digging in the front seat next to me for my camera bag and praying like mad for a red light. (I know, so unlike me, lol)  I snapped off two shots before the light turned and then handed the camera over to Connor.  What can I say, he's a shutterbug just like his momma.

Now for some strange damn reason it's not letting me insert more than 1 photo into this post.  DAMMIT.  I'm gonna go load the pics and link it from here.  FREAKING HATE IT WHEN THINGS DON'T WORK RIGHT! 

~h

i'd like you to meet...

The newest member of our little family.  We are {for now} calling him Jet.  Although his name has changed 3 times since we brought him home this afternoon.  I *think* we are going with Jet but who knows how these crazy kids of mine will be feeling about the name tomorrow.

We were supposed to get a chocolate female lab.  BUT my kids won out.  Well, Connor won out, Jack would really have cared less.  After discussing it with the breeder I thought this mellow little dude would be a better fit for our family.  So far so good.  He is very calm and sweet and loves to snuggle with anyone that will let him.  The boys are completely infatuated with him and have already started bickering about who the dog likes best.  He is a little doll.  I think he will be a good fit to our family.  So far only 1 potty accident in the house and crate training begins tonight.  He LOOOOOVES to ride in the car and was soooo good on the hour and a half drive home from the breeder.  Didn't whine until we were about 5 mins away from home.  No accidents in the car, he slept almost the entire way home.  And for the record....

I am the BEST MOM EVER. 

At least today I am.  At least that's what Connor said.  I hope this lasts for a little while, his high opinion of me.  Cuz honestly?  I bask in that stuff.  Love it soooo very much.

I told them last night that "we are taking a special trip tomorrow".  Connor HATES surprises.  He always has to know the plan, the deal, the low down, the straight scoop on anything.  The boy can't even stand to NOT KNOW what we are having for dinner as I am cooking it. 

Anyway, this morning we piled in the car, took a quick detour to pick up my friend Shannon (hey girl!) and off to the breeders we went.  Once we got there and Connor saw the many many MANY pups in their little kennels I asked him "do you know what we are here for now?"  he grinned from ear to ear and said "to get a puppy???"  Ummmm yeah.  To get a puppy.  His face was like Christmas he was so happy.  And just the night before he had asked me again "mom, when are we going to get a dog?"  Made my heart damn near bust to be able to do this for him.  He is IN LOVE with this dog and I know they will grow to be great friends.  A boy needs a dog.  And my boy just got his.  Momma is taking a strong liking to the little furball herself.  I am a straight up sucker for a cute fuzzy face.  OMG this dog is my best.  LOVE IT.

So off to take the furry one outside and make him potty before i crate him up.  sooooo not looking forward to the whining but maybe i'll get lucky.  maybe.  :D

Stay tuned for more puppy stories, as there are SURE to be many more.

~h

out of the mouths of babes?

Conversation in the car today with Jack:

Jack: "mommy, where are we going?"

Me: "crazy."

Jack: "but how do we get there?"

Me: "you're driving me there jackson."

Jack: "but you're going the wrong way!"  (insert HUGE exasperated sigh HERE)

Spoken with the MOST smart ass tone a 4YO can muster and trust me, this kid has the smart ass attitude in spades.  And i suppose he would know the exact route to crazy better than me?  Not only is he a smart ass, but the worst back seat driver i've ever witnessed.

Toooo damn funny not to share.  Yes he was driving me crazy as was his brother.  On our hour and a half trek to the OTHER side of the valley this afternoon.  Being in the car for 20 mins is too much for them to handle without picking at each other and today was pushing them to their limits.  And when that happens, it's their job to push me to mine.  Mission accomplished boys.  Limits definitely exceeded.

momma h.  over and out.